Finding Nelly Read online

  Instead of being taken to their old house, Nelly was taken to a fancy hotel room. From there, she found a new dress and new shoes. The man, Gerald was his name, told her to clean up because he had a very good surprise for her. Nelly liked surprises, especially if they were the good ones.

  Someone knocked gently from outside in the hall. Nelly jumped from the bed and raced as quickly as she could towards the door, opening it as soon as she got there. When it swung open, Nelly’s jaw dropped.

  “MAMA!” the little one screamed right before swinging full force into her mother’s embrace.

  Nelly couldn’t contain her excitement, or her tears. Seeing her mother, looking so healthy, was something she no longer thought possible, not in her wildest dreams. But there she was, holding her as tightly as she could. A few moments later, and they finally pulled apart.

  “I am so sorry for leaving you alone, baby,” her mother said, wiping at her eyes, “I promise never to let you on your lonesome ever again.”

  “You promise?”

  “I do.”

  It had been a long battle with mental illness. That’s what she since learned, whether Penny and Percy had meant to let it slip, or not. Illness, and something about alcohol and pill abuse. But Nelly was just glad to see her like this again. Her mother was a famous actress, and people always loved to talk to her. The jobs required a lot of her, but otherwise she had her mother all to herself.

  Her mother told her she was better, and after nearly five months of being what she called sober, she managed to reunite with her little one. She first had to go to a place, she’d said, where good people helped with your mind. Like a brain doctor for sad people.

  “Your mind can get sick?” Nelly asked.

  “For some people.” She grabbed Nelly’s hand. “I can’t wait for you to tell me everything about your foster family in the Midwest.”

  “Mama, what’s a foster family?”

  Her mother smiled from ear to ear. “Well, a foster family is one that is tasked to take care of children when their parents are no longer around. Like the one that took care of you. Were they good to you?”

  “Yes, mama. They were really kind and generous.”

  “I’m glad to hear that, sweetie. Maybe one day when you are much older, we can take a train to the Midwest and thank them.”

  “That would be great mama. And maybe I can teach you how to peel potatoes and ride horses.”

  Her mother leaned in to smother her with another hug.

  Their house was exactly how they’d left it, just cleaner. Things returned to normal somewhat quickly, whatever normal was, and the two were happy once more. It stayed that way for some time. Almost a year.

  But Catherine’s work, and her weaknesses, took a toll and her vulnerabilities cropped up, both as a mother and as a busy working parent. It was just one year later when she suffered another breakdown; her first since her recovery.

  Another well meaning, but broken promise.

  At least Nelly was big enough to do the packing on her own.

  A politer woman came to pick her up this time, and there was no drama at all. In fact, Nelly walked to the stretcher where her mother was lying unconscious and kissed her on the forehead, asking her to stay strong for her.

  The system, together with Catherine’s lawyer friends, found a home for Nelly in rural New York so that it would be easier for Catherine to reacquire her when she got better. And that’s exactly what happened a year after Catherine’s second institutionalization came to an end. At that point, Nelly had already made peace with the possibility of moving being a constant part of her life. And that she’d have to protect her feelings at all costs, for change could come in a flash, and you had to be strong.

  All she wanted was for her mother to be well. It didn’t matter how many times they had to take her away. And it continued to happen until Nelly turned seventeen, her mother’s off and on battles with mental illness taking its toll on them both.

  It was a hard life to say the least, but at least she got the chance to move around with her mother when she was working. The theatre life was incredibly amazing since Nelly got the chance to meet with celebrities as well as everyone who worked behind the scenes. Nelly even got the chance to help her mother work, thus getting to understand the show business inside out. So, it was only natural that she wanted to join the business herself.

  Nelly hated being separated from her mother, despite understanding that it was probably for the best. The loneliness got to her sometimes, and that’s why she almost always fantasized about becoming a famous actress and touring the country. Nelly figured that doing the latter would be the only way she could stop feeling lonely and unwanted.

  She could be somebody. And she liked that idea. Having just celebrated her seventeenth without her mother, Nelly wanted to find acceptance, even if she couldn’t put it in those terms herself. Low self-confidence? Maybe, but she didn’t dwell on it.

  Eventually she found herself on her own anyway, when the guardians she lived with kicked her out, shouldering the unexpected loss of their son, and looking for someone to blame. It was an accident in another state, but Nelly knew the drill. Their grief became a wedge amongst the three of them, and the parents ganged up on here. She didn’t blame them for it. Emotions could be volatile, especially with the loss of a son. So the adults had decided it was time for her to move on, so she did.

  Acting called her once more. It was a safety net, a world she knew and could take comfort in.

  Her mother’s connections came in handy, and Nelly found everything smooth sailing from that point on. Putting her troubles behind her, she determined to take care of herself. She could mourn, feel sorry for herself, do all of it. But the problem was that wouldn’t provide shelter or food on the table. Taking her broken heart with her, she committed fully to the theater life. It treated her well.

  She focused on her lines and rehearsed in the mirror, making sure her facial expressions were right, just like she used to see the actresses do backstage. Sometimes Nelly would be forced to grasp a part overnight. So she put off any social life and focused solely on her career. It was lonely, but then again, loneliness was a familiar friend.

  Some men tried to take advantage of her, but she wouldn’t give them time of day or let them get her alone. Nelly was determined to make it, and nothing, and no one would stop her. Lonely or not, she was all she had now, and all she could count on. Life had taught her that well.

  Chapter Three

  Simon’s early years were blessed. Family, stability, lacking for nothing. He was on his own now. The Civil War had taken everything from him; the lifestyle as well as his loved ones. His older brother, with whom Simon was drafted to fight in the civil war, was killed. Their palatial family home was also burned to the ground and his parents ruined because of it. Simon knew loss. But his parents knew more.

  His parents were left stressed with all that had happened and decided to rebuild. Unfortunately, doing the latter wasn’t possible considering that most of their wealth was plundered during the war. The stress and heartbreak led to their early graves, both succumbing to heart attacks within months of each other. Tragedy seemed to follow his family. It all happened so quickly, yet who was to say it was over?

  Now, whatever was left of the Snows was Simon and his sister. Unfortunately, Simon’s sister cut ties with the family the moment she got married to a Texas cattle baron. He was happy for her. For her, life went on. He was doing something about his own life, now. He was in control of his own fate. Tragedy or not, he had to move on, or perish. He had a business mind, and his father’s work ethic. He wouldn’t fail, that much he knew, if he put the two together.

  As for the rest, Simon erected a wall around his emotions to compartmentalize the hurt and pain of the loss of everything he knew. He’d start anew and leave the rest behind. If he learned to not become attached to things he loved, he could protect himself when those things eventually left him, through tragedy or otherwise.

>   Simon was out west when his parents passed away. He was trying to scrap together a new life. So, he had to come back once he heard of their deaths. He didn’t want anything to do with the southern lifestyle; that he wanted to leave behind. But since he was the only remaining Snow who cared, Simon knew it was his responsibility to come and give his parents a proper burial. And that’s exactly what he did, returning to pay respects and try to mentally unchain himself from the sorrow that threatened to overwhelm him for his parents and for his lot in life up until that moment.

  It was painful, but he’d already moved on in his heart from his old life and home. Now, with his parents gone, he could begin anew.

  “I am so sorry for your loss,” came a voice from over his shoulders.

  It was his old friend, Luther. Luther and Simon used to play together for as long as they could remember, and were almost inseparable ever since they were kids. Luther’s parents worked in the Snow plantation and the two always considered each other brothers. They were always tight, but had lost touch over recent months. Just seeing him now brightened things nearly instantly.

  “You’re still here?” Simon joked as he hugged his old friend.

  “Yes, where else was I supposed to go?” he laughed. “Actually, I’ve moved on, myself. I don’t have a clue about what my future holds. Well, not much anyway.” He looked to be lost in his thoughts. “But life goes on. For both of us.”

  Simon understood his old friend. The plantation was everything he knew too, and there was nothing he could do about having lost it all. And Luther didn’t have the means like Simon did. It had to be worse for him.

  But maybe that could change, Simon thought. This is a chance for both of us. “I was thinking of managing an orange orchard after my parents have been properly laid to rest. I’ve been planning it for a while. Go back out west, set it up. Have a nice piece of land. It’s kind of a thing. So much potential with the right plan, and right people behind it.

  “At first I didn’t know what I was going to do. But now that you’re here, I think we should become partners. It just makes sense. Your parents were great farmers and I believe they taught you a few things, right? I mean, look,” he said, warming up to the idea, “I may have some funds left and I think we can make it work, especially together.” He watched his friend carefully. “What do you think? I know it’s a lot to take in. But we’d have each other. A fresh start. What’s better than that?”

  Luther thought about it and smiled. “Will there be time for my lady?”

  “Wow, really?” Simon joked. “Found someone, huh? Even you. I guess anything is possible.”

  “She’s waiting for me. In California.”

  Simon just smiled back. “Then I guess you’re all out of excuses.”

  After Simon gave his parents a decent burial, he and Luther embarked on building and expanding their California orange orchard that Simon had taken over. And since both men were hardworking and determined, they made their business successful almost from day one. Having bought a farm already planted, they took over and turned around what was failing and made it robust and profitable quickly, if advance orders were any indication.

  They worked full time, with only Sundays to rest. And in a less than a month they’d established ties to businesses interested in the fruit of the labor. Simon had to laugh at his private joke.

  But something was still missing.

  While Luther got to share his success with his lady, Mildred, Simon realized, he, too, needed to have someone to share it with. But where was he going to find a good woman to call his own? He still hadn’t met Luther’s lady. He simply hadn’t had the time to reach out while he got the business up and going.

  “So, when are you planning on introducing me to Mildred?”

  “Soon.”

  “You’ve been saying that for days, brother. Or are you afraid she’d fall for my devilish good looks and leave you?”

  “Don’t flatter yourself, Simon. We’re both hideous.” Luther laughed before he continued, “I will bring her over. You know she has a life in town and getting her over here is difficult. But I’ll introduce you both soon. I’m actually making plans. It’s been hard to spend time with her myself. But it’s going well. You can count on her moving in with me at some point. I know she’ll say yes and be my wife. But hey, speaking of plans, when are you going to get one to call your own?”

  Simon let out a long, tired sigh. He didn’t have an answer for Luther. Clearly, he wanted to have someone but just didn’t know how to go about it. Luther had lucked out. And even though they were partners, Simon took on all the responsibility that came with ownership of the orchard, which left him little time. He admired Luther and Mildred. He knew the marriage was coming.

  “You know what your problem is, my old friend?” said Luther.

  “What?”

  “All jokes aside, I think you are a hardworking man, and any woman would be more than glad to call you husband. But you have a serious issue.”

  “Besides being hideous? Please enlighten me.”

  “You don’t know when to ask for help.” His friend shrugged. “That’s always been your problem ever since we were children.” Luther studied his friend closely. “If you’re busy, you still have options. If you really want to meet someone, make yourself a little more scarce around here and start hanging out around town.”

  “Really?” asked Simon, “that’s your answer to love? What, wait for the train to come in with my bride?”

  Luther laughed. “Actually, have you ever heard of the Matrimonial Times?”

  Simon listened, skeptical at first. But the more his friend talked, the more he thought there just might be something to it.

  If Luther could help him at least try, who was he to say no?

  Chapter Four

  The glitz and glamor didn’t change Nelly’s life as much as she thought it would. She’d grown to a level of fame herself in quick order. Her discipline and lack of a social life allowed her to reach the top, as had her mother in her time. People adored her work. But all that attention didn’t fulfill her. If anything, she found it had the opposite effect. People treated her differently, and not in a way she liked. No one seemed to know the real her. It didn’t take long before Nelly started craving a simple life, with no insane deadlines or overnight travel to the next show half the time. A simple life meant authentic human connections, and that’s exactly what she felt she lacked at that moment. Something real and tangible. People she worked with acted like they liked their lives, but they coped in different ways, especially the men.

  “The train is almost leaving, madam,” said Nelly’s personal assistant, a little boy, himself aspiring to be a great actor one day, interrupting Nelly’s train of thought.

  “I’ll be there shortly,” Nelly said with a broad smile on her face. The little boy smiled and left the tiny room Nelly used to rest in between scenes.

  As soon as the boy left and closed the door behind him, Nelly’s mind drifted back to thinking about her future. What was becoming of her life? It was getting to a point where she was starting to understand why her mother finally broke down. The kind of pressure and fakeness of the life could get to anyone eventually, including the strongest of them all. And it was at that moment that Nelly began thinking of her exit.

  Nelly knew that if she wasn’t going to handle her situation as soon as possible, then there was nothing to stop her from falling into the same rabbit hole her mother fell in. It seemed to her the simple truth. The thought of being strapped to a stretcher and wheeled away from her home awoke demons that Nelly thought were long dead. A cold chill ran up and down her spine whenever she thought about it, almost making her forget her lines before some of her recent shows. She wouldn’t succumb to it, not if she could help it. But Nelly knew she was susceptible to the dangers of both addiction and mental illness because of her mother.

  Would she know when her depression was “the” depression? And not just feeling down? At what point had her mot
her known when she couldn’t cope? For now, she reckoned if she could ask the question, she was doing okay.

  Nelly pulled her suitcase from under the table and stood up. She then took a moment to straighten her beautiful black dress and adjust her large cap before taking her leave. As soon as Nelly stepped out of the door, her admirers, who’d been waiting outside for an hour just to catch a glimpse of her, began shouting her name.

  All fake. She appreciated it and appreciated them, but they didn’t know her.

  Nelly wasn’t really in the mood for small talk. So she did what she did best – wave, fake a smile and sneak as fast as she could towards the train.

  Nelly was tired. But she still couldn’t rest because she’d been given a new part to master in the next twenty-four hours. That was another reason why she hated the life of theatre. Despite being famous, Nelly never got a chance to enjoy that fame even if she could, let alone do anything for herself. She was always doing two things; either performing or memorizing lines for her next performance. It was rewarding, but exhausting.

  The train the actors boarded that day was much better than the one she’d boarded when she left for her very first foster home. The seats were well-spaced and there was lots of fresh air coming through the windows. Nelly figured it was because she was regarded as an important person that she was put in a better position. She knew that there were many who were stashed at the back of the train, suffering from more crowded conditions.

  The train began pulling out of the station and Nelly had to look away from the window. The site of families waving their loved one's away got to her somehow. Nelly never knew how it felt to have people who missed her. Fans weren’t family.

  The thought of rehearsing forced Nelly to let out a painful sigh. She searched the surrounding car to avoid work. Procrastination had become a close friend. And that’s when her eyes landed on a copy of the Matrimonial Times.